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“If they know what they want in a partner, they need to commit to that—don’t just go out with someone because they’re good-looking.Pay attention to whether you feel a connection.” If you feel that you’ve lost sight of what, or who, you’re looking for, take time out to reflect and refocus.If you’re just going on dates because you’re single and feel like that’s what single people do, you need to reevaluate.“The most important thing women need to do is stay true to what they want,” says Gibson.“It’s equally important to be open to the possibility of meeting someone in person, and that means putting yourself in the right position to connect with new people.” Dismissing new people before you’ve really taken the time to get to know them—within reason, of course—can be a major barrier to meeting someone and a sign that you need to press pause on dating.If you’re immediately not attracted to someone or can tell you have deeply incompatible lifestyles or values, that’s one thing, but it’s another to write off dudes because their jobs aren’t cool enough, they have a bald spot, or they said something a little douchey within minutes of meeting you.Anyone you talked to online could be a murderer, or so it seemed.

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Some thought women who allowed men to buy them dinners or tickets to the movies were “turning tricks.” The reaction to the phenomenon of “going steady” in the 1940s and 50s was less extreme than accusing people of prostitution, but still hand-wringy.(Not saying that bodes but some guys get nervous and it comes off as arrogance.) “Psychologists have studied how searching on dating sites affects people and found that the longer you search, the more judgmental you become,” says Davis Edwards.Another argument for putting those apps on ice for a little while.Unfortunately, men regularly send women harassing messages on dating platforms like Tinder and OKCupid, and the culture around online dating can seem toxically misogynist at times.(Wolfe herself is a former Tinder employee, and settled a sexual harassment and sex discrimination lawsuit against her former bosses in 2014.)When the woman has to message first, Wolfe says, “the women feel empowered and confident,” and the men feel “relieved.” The traditional gender roles of the man as pursuer and the woman as the pursued still often play out online, though certainly not all of the time.

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